I was happy all day, last night I was camping with some good friends. But work today and it was fine I had some good conversations but the she walked by. Now this is why I hate my self at first I see Her and she hasn’t changed at all still tall and thin and as beautiful as Jessica alba. Her hair is up and two strands fall to the sides of her face, I remember back when they were blue and red. Next I see her dress and it’s sparkles in the light of the carnival and as I look her over I see a tattoo of a red rose one her right shoulder and I realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen her. At this point I’m happy to see her and nothing really affects me. Then I see her hand pulling a guy behind her and I feel jealous my face falls as they take photos of them selfs kissing I try to look away but nope I can’t. I feel the same as the night four years ago at a carnival where she was out with me and I got sick on a ride so I sat down for few mins she said she would be right back but when I saw her coming off the ride she was kissing this kid I knew who just got out of jail for robing a 83 year old women for money for drugs. His teeth were all rotted away and I never felt so dead inside before.
Lady I just want A taste
I just want your lips on mine
I need to show you
Your the only thing that matters
I want you to understand what you are to me
I need you to feel how you make me feel
I don’t have words that won’t offend you
I just know what you make me want
That might me rude but it’s just me wanting you
Your body changes me
But your mind is the goal
Where to start, I will never be happy. I try but like everyone always said I will be alone forever, I believe you should like someone before you try and date them plus I believe in dating. But no girls ever like me. My friends are make believe, they are a front they never hang with just me but two people Jose and Andrew. But he seems done. And Jose I haven’t seen in months. The family I have sucks, my dad is the only person who loves me. And he try’s so hard to be there for me. I can’t just sit here faking smiles for people working just to live when I don’t like it anymore. I haven’t talked about the person I last liked and that’s cuz they don’t matter. I feel sick living, I tried to get help but no one cares, or know how to ask I would tell if they asked after her I will never tell someone openly. I have tried to be happy but it doesn’t ease the pain of life. It just hides it. If I had a way I would be dead today as of this moment. I don’t know if today or tomorrow it will be. I’m not sorry to be gone I’m sorry if you miss me but I didn’t feel it.
so hanging out with my friends friday night, i met this girl Jen and simply put she’s hot and i don’t really think anything of it because i think she’s with my friend. but nope they’re not together and i still don’t hit on her because i think she like him. but she tells me of this band to listen too but i forgot it by the end of the night. she adds me on Facebook. soon after fixing a post about hanging the other night to add me to the tag, i say its fine and ask her about the band. she privet messages me so it dosnt keep popping up on everyones page. so we keep talking and now it few hours later. my friend says he tried to get me in to the band, i don’t remember this but ok i didn’t say anything but she adds maybe he likes me better and all of a sudden i realize i do like her and kinda want to get to know her. and thats where i am now i don’t know what to do i feel lost i was fine when i didn’t think i liked her but now i can’t get her out of my head. fuck i suck with girls